My 30th birthday was on Wednesday. I found it a little hard to believe, especially because I have such vivid memories of so many other birthdays that seemed like such a big deal (and like they weren't that long ago!).
10 when I finally got my ears pierced
16 when I got my license
21 when I got to have my first drink (ahem. legally.) and now.
30.
Feels like it has flown by. Somewhere in the time that lapsed, I went to college, med school, got married, and had a kid. Some of those events planned and some not. But all celebrated. And now I'm in my final year of residency, looking ahead at my "career," whatever that may mean. I found it somewhat interesting that the timing of this for me coincided with a relatively hot-button article written by Princeton's Anne-Marie Slaughter, "Why Women Still Can't Have It All." As everyone and their mother has posted this article, I finally figured I should read it. This required some attention as it is no short editorial, it is a long, somewhat drawn out expose on what Slaughter feels are the short-comings of the professional/personal life options offered to highly-educated women. I have to say, although the names of the women she uses are famous, I think that ANY woman in a professional career has women around her who have given similar advice, or offered the same guidance. And I guess when I look at my life and the choices I have made, I can't help but think that somewhere in there she misses the point about choices in general.
There was an insightful response to her article (also in the Atlantic) pointed out to me by Mark. It is a bit more lippy, less laced with high-profile names, and without the academic gloss that Slaughter's article offers, but I think it offers valuable insight; insight that I use when I look at my life. The video at the top of this page is true.
My child knows that I work (and yes, that I sleep. but really, let's not worry about that part). She also, someday, will know more then I just "work babies." She will know that I value the lives of women and the children they carry enough to have spent the majority of my time over the last 8 (crazy) years learning and training to offer the best care I can in the safest way I know how. But she will also know that I had to make choices to achieve that accomplishment. But those choices aren't unique to a woman, they are the choice of anyone who chooses to be a doctor (in my case, an ob/gyn). A man in my professional position has had to miss morning wake-ups, trips to the zoo, bedtimes, etc the same as I have. Slaughter misses in her article the true professional equality that she instead seeks to skew as gender-preference for women to be able to spend more time at home. I am all for work life balance, I do my job to the best of my ability, but I will always make time for my family.
I think that all of this centers around the privilaged position of having a "choice" in our professional careers. This brings a complex debate to the forefront in my head-how much of your life is about being successful in a current system vs. making a new system in which to succeed? Slaughter wants a new system, one that is supremely female-sensitive, more specifically, mother-sensitive. But part of me says that may never happen; there will always be careers that require travel, extensive overtime, huge demands on time, and that my path will be different than those people willing to do those things.
At the end of the day, I think I (and Slaughter) have no room for complaining. No room for pointing at the system and saying "CHANGE! I want more free time for my family." Because the truth is, the fact that we have a CHOICE at all in this story is the true issue. Globally, all women don't have this choice. They don't have choices about teen pregnancies, extremely high maternal and neonatal mortality because of lack of access to care, choices about higher education, choices about if not how they must work, choices about good "life partners," etc. These are the choices of a privilaged few; and I count myself blessed to make these choices.
Perhaps more good would come of a discussion that addresses the presence or lack of these choices in the lives of women in general, otherwise it tends to sound like the whining of a spoiled child who wants to have both a cookie and a cupcake at the same time, but heaven forbid, has to choose between them. So yes, I have "chosen" a career for now, but my choice is a choice made with my husband, with my family, with the knowledge that ultimately, at the end of the day, any choice I make won't be just mine. It will be the choice made by myself, my husband, and probably at some point, my kid.
I imagine when I read this in 10 years, 20 years, maybe even 40 years, I will have much to say. Much perspective to have gained. And maybe then I will have it all figured out. But until then, I'm going to go with the cupcake and not complain (too much).
