The End of Friendships


So I'm what some might call, a "saver." I save stuff. But its normally not junk, its mostly just saving in the form of EVERY card I have ever received. The birthday cards, the valentine's cards, the random thank-you notes that people send me....you get the idea. Last night, Mark and I decided to make our study a livable space again...and for me, that meant going through all my saved stuff and deciding did I really need it. I'll admit, some of the throw-aways were easy, the card that just has a signature from the distant family friend, or the thank you note from my mom for her birthday gift ten years ago....those went pretty easy. But what was the hardest part was reading over the cards from people who I used to be friends with.
This was sad. Because I have had some tricky friendships that, probably mostly due to me, have "ended" somewhat badly. I mean, we didn't get in huge fights, or yell, or scream, but they sort of just sadly trickled away. The result, mostly, of piled up misunderstandings, jumbled communications, and not saying what we felt at a point when things could still be fixed. So reading cards from such friends made me remember when the friendship was good...
I guess I'm just not sure what to do with these cards. They are the ones that make me pause, make me think, do ended friendships mean that there has been a failure? Or do some friendships end just because it is time for them to end? Because two people may not be the same as they were when the friendship started and that's ok?
Do I throw away the cards with a sigh of regret? Or do I try to make friends again? Try to eliminate the awkwardness that has accumulated after weeks, months, even years of not speaking?
Maybe, maybe not. Maybe its ok to look back on those cards and instead of being sad about the failure, trying to remember the good things and take what I learned from the failings and use them now....
So I saved a few cards, didn't throw away any pictures, and felt still vaguely unsettled....