Easter Party



props to cheryl for some mad reflexes.

Life of Late

So I have just come off of what has been deemed the most demanding rotation of my residency. The truth is, I try to avoid talking about work on this blog because I think it is important to keep in mind that my work is not my life. This being said, it has been a long 8 weeks with one week of a break in the middle.
This is not to say that I don't enjoy my job. I knew (to some degree) what I was getting into when I signed up for medicine. But I stuck with it because I felt like it was an important place for me to be. And because I have a huge pile of debt...but I try not to think about that part of it.
However, I think that working as a mom does change my perspective a bit. The good thing about K being young is that I don't think she will remember most of these years, the bad thing is I think I will.
There was an insightful article written by a working mom in our alumni magazine a few years ago found here .
I think it is hard balance and one that isn't easy to achieve. For me, it has been made easier by a very helpful husband but there are still times when I feel like I am doing both roles only suboptimally.
But I don't think I could give up my job right now.
I think that providing care to patients, especially the population that often ends up coming to my clinic is important. I think that I was able to get an education, had the luxury of learning and to some degree owe back this luxury. This is not to discredit the woman who chooses to give back her education to her family. This is a noble cause too, one not to be downplayed. But for me, right now, working as a physician is where I belong. Even after the longest rotation of my life.

I am a doctor. Albeit a relatively new one, still mostly fresh, only occasionally (or a lot depending on the day...) bitter, and trying to figure out the right balance.
Perhaps in my time I'll figure out how to be a graceful surgeon and a graceful mother. Either way, unless I win the lottery I'm on this path for at least a little while longer and K is stuck with a mom who gets to spend lots of time welcoming new people into the world who still tries to make it home for dinner and some bedtime snuggles.

The End of an Era....



Ok. So the following post is about breastfeeding and pumping. If that is not your style, consider yourself forewarned and go ahead and skip this one.
BUT you should make note of just three things:
1. Boobs are actually for milk. Despite what our culture says.
2. Don't ever call a lady breastfeeding or pumping, "Bessie." It never goes well.
3. I make no judgements about formula vs. breast milk. Look at Mark-he got mostly formula and he turned out alright.


Back to the task at hand. I'm going to summarize in brief, my experience with the whole "breastfeeding" thing.
And in the process admit my failures, make no judgements about what you have decided to do (although I still find it strange if a kid who is old enough to SAY Boob is still nursing, but whatever), and share how I got through this whole process. And yes, this is only my experience, and I have talked to enough people to know that this story plays out many different ways and DO NOT let my experience scare you off...the truth is most women do this and do just fine.

FIRST. Breastfeeding is NOT explicitly natural. It was much much harder than expected. And though I had read books about childraising, sleep training, knew a bit about the birth process, etc, I hadn't done enough homework about breastfeeding. This was my first mistake.

I knew that I wanted to at least try because there is reasonable enough data that breastfeeding is pretty good for the little ones. It has all sorts of immune stuff and the right content of fat/protein/carbs at the right time. So I really pretty much wanted to give it a go.

Me and K seemed to start off fine. For the first two days. Then we struggled. So we went in for remedial help. This helped. For a bit. But then, my five weeks of maternity leave vanished, I was still struggling and now trying to juggle feeding, pumping, and coping with an extreme amount of discomfort.

So in my attempt to figure out what my next step might be, I had a moment of weakness and visited the LaLeche League website. And lo and behold in their frequently asked questions, right after "How do I breastfeed children of different ages simultaneously?" was the question "are there ever people who just exclusively pump?"

I read that one.

And then I thought a lot about what I thought might work. My schedule is, at times, prohibitive from a normal day/night schedule. So when I added it all up, I would really only be able to actually feed K twice during the day, the rest of the time I wouldn't be around. So I decided to throw in the towel and just pump.

So me and my new best friend, pictured at the top went EVERYWHERE together. There were a few panic mornings when I had left one part or another at home and had to have Mark drive it to me...times when I had to pump standing in a bathroom, in airports, in locker rooms, offices, random rooms, pretty much anywhere I could. Most days it was lunch? or pump? and we all know what decision has to happen with that.
So I pumped. And pumped. and realized that I had failed at breastfeeding but I could come to terms with it and that Baby K didn't care what she had...it was really more me wanting to give her any leg up that I thought I could.

But now those days have come to an end...no more middle of the night pump sessions while K slept so I could keep up with her, no more hauling that "sleek stylish' bag around, no more obsessively checking to make sure I had all the parts, no more waking up before work to make sure K had enough for daycare...

I think it has been a mutually peaceful parting, and I certainly have learned a few things.
First, read and learn from others (aka me...) and those who are AWESOME and those who aren't so you can put together your own plan of attack.
Second,get help early. I should have taken a class before and then as soon as I started having trouble, not toughed it out but got some good solid advice.
Third, your kid is going to be fine either way. K doesn't care formula, breastmilk.
Fourth, introduce the bottle early-ish. It made a huge difference to have Mark able to help me and to have breaks even at the beginning.
Fifth, buy a pumpease bra if you go my route, Look it up on Amazon, you won't regret it.
Sixth, for me....


Breath a big sigh of relief that it is all done for now and I can't help but hope next time might be a little bit easier ;)

Playing Guitar with Dad



K just keeps going....she is into everything now and it is certainly a bit more interesting trying to keep track of her.
She has discovered the joy that comes from dumping out Phoenix's water bowl on the floor, pulling out all her toys, cruising around the floor and pulling herself to standing and cruising around the room...

I cannot get over how quick everything happened! Just last week she learned to crawl and now there is nothing stopping her :-)