Nose Pressed Up Against the Alter

So tonight I went to Kairos, the church community that I go to, and I'll admit, it has been a while since I have been. One thing after another has been on Sunday nights...good things like wedding, and trips and time with my husband. But things that have kept me from worshipping in a community setting.
Mark is gone for a while, and I was alone for the first time last night in a long time. I haven't gone to bed alone and it felt weird and lonely. I grabbed my Bible, which had grown dusty and realized that part of my aloneness has come from not remembering that the Lord is with me always-even when I am with Mark. I read some Psalms, Psalm 61 and 62 to be exact and heard David's words loudly in my head,
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, I will never be shaken."
These words felt like water to me, I have been filling my head with medical knowledge, constantly worried that I'm missing something, that I won't learn quite enough or that everything I have been putting in my head will just one day pour out and I won't have anything when the big Board exam does come. But these words tell me that I am safe in the Lord that me, who I am, is wrapped up in a God who won't forget things and who won't be shaken and tumbled by the worries of here.
I went to sleep thinking and praying about this only to wake up this morning and start my studying again and get worried all over.
But then I went to Kairos and felt, for the first time in a long time, the undeniable presence of God. And we got to take Communion tonight, to share in the Bread that reminds us who saved us and as I was kneeling, holding out my hands at the alter for the bread, I looked down the row and saw a little guy, maybe four years old, kneeling at the alter, with his arms crossed in front of him to receive a blessing, and his nose smushed up against the railing, just barely able to peer over the top to see what was going on. And I thought, that's what I want to be like. I want to have my nose pressed up against the alter, trying to get as close to the action as I can, to see what the Lord is going to do and to see what might be coming my way. And as I sat down and kept worshipping, listening to the songs and feeling God, all I wanted to do was reach my hands up and touch him. To be that close. You know?
That's it. All I'm looking for.